Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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