Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
