My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
