Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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