my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
