Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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