What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
