nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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