i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
