so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
