just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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