i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
