all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
