You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
