Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
