All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize