Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
