He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
