Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she looked like the before picture.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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