I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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