i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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