Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
