It's Friday. Sex?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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