Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
