i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
