The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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