I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
