The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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