If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
