Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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