I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
