the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
