cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize