i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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