No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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