Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
