trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
