So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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