Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
is it fun? or sober?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
