ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
