Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
