i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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