spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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