people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
