hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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