I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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