He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
