Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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