My friends, they love my intelligence
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
