Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize