I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
