chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
me + whiskey = a bad person
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize