i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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