my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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