I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wish I only lived at night.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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