but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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