You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
