theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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