I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
