my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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