I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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