the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
