That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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