There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it glows. i had to have it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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