she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
