I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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