Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
