once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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