I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
