I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
