and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize