I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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