im drinking this country out of the recession.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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