I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
