You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
