she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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