Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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